So maybe I was too hasty in the harsh judgment of my performance the other day...
...but then maybe this is the upside of being overly harsh-a surprise when the grades come back?

I knew grades were out before I got home but I decided to cook dinner before checking them, I told myself I didn't want to know how badly I did anyway. Ever since Tuesday I had been taking turns picking my performance to pieces and then trying to forget it even happened and it wasn't helping at all.

So imagine my surprise to find out I had passed both the neuro and the musculo practicals!

I got 55% in musculoskeletal, the one I thought I had totally messed up and didn't deserve any grade and then I looked down and couldn't believe my eyes...100% for neuro!
I am so happy (once I stopped telling myself they had felt sorry for me) that I did so well and with the combined grade I did better than average.

I CAN do this, even though it is tough, even though I have my rough days, even though I sometimes doubt myself...I am strong, I AM going to get through and I am going to be proud of my achievements against all odds.

My OT came to see me today and he reminded me not to compare with the past and to celebrate how much an achievement it is in itself to have passed and that its amazing that I am doing so well surviving the stressful parts. He said to look ahead to the future with confidence that I can do what I set out to achieve, and you know what?

I think he may just be right...


Lisa Moon said...

What?! I'm not at all surprised you've done well in your exams - congrats, my dear! What surprised and saddened me was your reaction: wondering if they just 'felt sorry for' you.
Indeed, CRPS is a horrid disease one would never wish on another but you certainly aren't some pathetic thing to be pitied and given sympathy grades!
Clearly you're quite knowledgeable and bright and continuing on your way to help people like us!
Keep your chin up, my dear. We are all winners and fighters by necessity. You be proud and confident and please, be gentle with my friend, Felicia!

Hugs, Lisa

Lisa Moon said...

Oh, and some great words from your OT, ones I need to take to heart myself.

Tough Cookie said...

Congrats!!!!! I knew all of that already ;-) No doubts over here! My short term memory is getting worse, too :-( What a bummer! So hard to have that happen in grad school!!!!