RANT...My life is a soap opera

How come people have the right to add to the stress I already live with on a day to day basis?

Its useless trying to make them understand what its like for me, they cant understand as they have no perception of what it takes to get out of bed and make it to an 8am lecture, what it takes to make it to the 5pm end of the day. I know everyone has trouble getting up for 8am but waking up every morning exhausted, in intense pain, half blind and with a pretty visible tremor that takes a good half hour to settle is not normal, well it is for me but I dont think it is for most people.

Add to that physical and emotional stress and you start to falter, start to lose faith in your abilities to cope with the outside world and try to hide even more. I have been told pretty firmly (by 2 different professionals) that I NEED to get my act together and go back to counselling so I know I need to, I just feel like even that is one thing too much at the moment. I know it is going to be hard and I just dont know if I have enough in me to deal with everything around me and cope with that too...why does life seem so darn complicated?

I had my first day at placement where I did not feel I could handle patients, I hadn't slept all night except for half an hour (I messed up my meds and my whole body was burning hot and sweating all night) and feel extremely dizzy and nauseous. I was so disappointed in myself despite the fact I couldnt really do anything about it. Luckily I didn't have my own patients to treat, I was just supposed to be assistant for my classmate so I just asked one of the other girls to help when it came to balance assistance.

I had my midway personal assessment and I feel much more comfortable with the clinical educator after the first week so yesterday morning I basically said that I suffered the same 3 'invisible' symptoms she talked about for MS and that everything was undercontrol as far as the Associate Dean was concerned. I said she could trust me that I wouldn't put anyone in danger but I still felt disappointed, I was hoping to get through the first placement fine. I even had to leave a tutorial half way through to nap for an hour so I could make it to the end of the day. I think I need to figure out a better strategy to help me get through the days when I have no breaks but lunch time, something I think I will got back to my student advisor to talk about.

I wish I could snap my fingers and all my worries would disappear, it sounds so much easier...can I really do this? am I doing the right thing?

Oh I'm sorry...

...but I didn't realise I was invisible.

Please can someone explain why it is so hard to walk around someone WITHOUT collecting them with your bag/shopping basket/trolley/arm/shoulder/*insert object of choice here?
I'm sure I'm not invisible and I don't think everyone who does it can plead vision impairment, or maybe they can and I'm just being unreasonable...I'm sorry if I offended anyone.

But surely they would then apologise when said person who got walked into with said object cried out in pain and jumped due to the unexpected collision? I am sure I do not know...but instead they appear to just stare at you as if you are crazy (oh maybe I am) and like nothing happened, or else totally ignore you.

Well sorry if I speak out of turn but you violated my personal zone and it just so happens that I do not appreciate it, and probably much to your amazement and bewilderment, it actually hurts-sometimes enough to make me cry (as much as I try to hold them back).

So I'm just asking, really nicely (pretty please with cherries on top) that you please watch where you are going with your belongings and that you are not collecting strangers (who just might happen to be afflicted with a hidden condition that doesn't like your thoughtless actions).

There ends my rant for today