More dreams coming true

First of all I just want to say, despite all the things I am doing, it doesn't mean I am not in pain anymore. I am pushing myself more and more to see (with the help of medications and such) how much I can actually handle without displaying complete stupidity or resulting in weeks of nightmarish pain flare - in case I miss the chance now and never feel capable again.

I don't know what is round the corner, I don't know if I am going to suddenly get worse and not be able to will myself to do things, so now while I feel like I can will myself to do almost anything I am going to take the chance (I almost feel like the old me is fighting to show through, the me who once was a human canon ball and who took every opportunity to prove people wrong). I think the summer spent in the pool being made to do things that I didn't think I could handle despite the pain it caused, showed me that I still have some fight in me yet and that I need more confidence - that is why I took the plunge, fought my fear and went to my first ballet class!

It is a very easy going class, a handful of adults who have little or no prior history of ballet. The teacher is young and very kind and didn't make me feel at all silly having no idea what first position was lol. Ballet seems to be more about grace, balance and skill rather than speed and rushing about and being a girly girl it has always been one of my dreams.

I don't expect to advance very much, I suspect it will take me all year to remember all the positions and who knows if I will ever coordinate arms with feet but that is not the point. The point is I am giving it a go! My physio was very excited to hear I was wanting to try, she says it will improve my balance and strength and provide a much needed social element to my life...getting away from study is so very important especially when you tend to sacrifice everything for required reading.

After my first class, when I discovered just how easy going it is going to be (i.e the emphasis is on having fun) the excitement of getting my first pair of ballet shoes started. So on Friday I headed out to find a shop that didn't look too foreboding (I felt rather self conscious going to buy my first pair of ballet shoes at almost 24) and went about asking to try some on please.

To be honest, my excitement lasted till I put the shoes on my feet. Now I don't know if I will be able to will them to actually stay on my feet the duration of the class and some days I know already I wont be able to keep them on but I want to try at least.
The poor lady in the shop...she actually stayed almost a half hour after closing to make sure I left with a pair that I felt I could handle on my feet. The first pair she got me to try were 'perfect' if I was a hardened dancer but were HORRIBLE! how do girls even bear to have these things on their feet and stand up and dance in them???? Suffice to say I did not end up with that pair. In the end I have a pair that hurt to wear but I think I can handle (it didn't matter how many different pairs I tried they all still hurt so I got a slightly roomier pair than the ones that were perfect). In time they will soften to my feet and I think a few extra pain pills before hand will aid in the tolerance levels.

I'm still excited about dancing, but now I've had reality kick in and tell me just how much a challenge this may turn into. Doesn't mean I am not going to try, just means I will be a bit more realistic about what I expect my body to do. But the best thing is I am am not afraid to give it a go!

All dressed up...

Here is a picture from the Saturday night party, there will be more at some point as photos were taken all evening, but I wanted one taken on my camera that I could have now. Photos have become very important for me somehow, I think its the rarity of getting dressed up and also needing photo's to aid my memory. I got so many lovely comments on the night that this is a good reminder for me that maybe I am pretty...I need that boost of confidence.

It never ceases to amaze me how good we are at hiding pain...I look perfectly fine, no-one would guess that I had just fallen, or that after a day and night of dancing I was exhausted and in more pain than usual. And we all look like this, just because we are so used to it.

All danced out

After a shaky start, I managed to survive the whole dance weekend albeit with pacing, others looking out for me and pig headedness.

We had pretty hot weather and the building didn’t have air conditioning making for a pretty uncomfortable environment at times, but that didn’t stop everyone’s eagerness to learn new dances. I cant remember how many we had learnt before morning tea, possibly 4-5? That’s plenty for a brain to learn and then coordinate the body into dancing without messing up too much. They weren’t easy, involving chains, couples and various direction changing throughout. I absolutely loved the music and the atmosphere created by about 50 international folk dance enthusiasts.

Then after morning tea the crunch set in, increasing heat and lack of fresh air starting taking its toll on me. My head started hurting, I felt like the room was spinning, every time I moved it was worse and I felt like I was going to faint. People said I looked shocking and white as a sheet, not well at all. I went outside to get some fresh air, hoping to feel better because I was not happy about missing out. By lunch time I had our resident doc on my case lol, he had been informed by several people that I was not looking my best. Tony is lovely, he has shown interest in my ‘health issues’ since before I got rsd and has followed my progress along the journey always keen for updates whenever I am back home. He told me to eat lunch and then it would be wise to lay on the grass outside under the tree, the last thing we needed was me out to it on the floor and I couldn’t disagree with that! I ended up going home early afternoon which was a shame but I really didn’t feel well. I did go back for the Friday night party, stayed a couple of hours but only danced 2 dances.
Saturday went a lot better, we worked out that I probably should have had more than just water to drink (a few years ago a dr told me to drink powerade a sports replacement drink as I get low blood sugar and low blood pressure episodes very easily), so I took a bottle of full strength powerade and lasted much better although that afternoon I started feeling unwell again.
I went home part way through the afternoon session to rest up for the gala dinner and party as I really didn’t want to miss out on that and also wanted to be able to enjoy being there.
Saturday night was amazing, it was our groups 30th anniversary and rather special. How proud I felt to be part of it and able to dance, apart from a slight mishap near the end of the evening when I was rather tired, it was fun and happiness. Despite the pain during and after, it was worth every bit. How glad I was to be there and even stay till the end, I even made it for the Sunday morning revision sessions too!
I am pretty shattered now, I had such sensory overload that every part of my body was so hypersensitive I could barely stand clothes anyway. So, I’ve been taking it easy, letting my body recover because just as it is important to push, it is also important to give it time to recover but you cant wipe the smile from my face  A few months ago this would have been impossible but it just shows you what a good handle on pain management and a bit of hard work can do!

Crazy fun here I come....

I am about to go off to the first day of a 3 day jam packed dance workshop weekend!

Today its 9am-5pm (with a less than hour break for lunch) of dance workshops, information says a sampling of European dances especially from Russia in the morning and then Bulgarian dances in the afternoon. I am both excited and nervous...I have prepared as best I can, meds, lignocaine, TENS, more meds, good shoes, snacks and I have promised myself that I wont try and pretend I am fine...if I need to sit out and just watch so be it, I will listen to my body.

We also have a party tonight (as well as tomorrows workshops, a gala dinner and then another party and then revision on Sunday morning...does that just make your head spin like mine does?), whether I actually end up going tonight is another matter, I am just staying cool, calm and collected and if I don't well thats ok as I want to be going tomorrow to the big dinner and dance party.

I am slightly nervous but people keep telling me to be positive and I'll be fine...how come being positive automatically means you will be fine? I can be positive all I like and still not get through simple tasks some days, just shows they dont understand really what this is like for me. BUT I am positive all the same, positive that I will enjoy myself to the max and have loads of fun, but I'm also positive that I wont push myself too hard to the point where I am prone to have an accident...that is the last thing I need lol!

I am prepared as much as I can be, so now I just relax and enjoy myself! Take care.

Out and about...

I went to an aqua fitness class the other night! (and I do not hurt extra anywhere)

Our public pool was having an open night, you could get in for a gold coin donation and take part in a fitness or spin class. I have been wanting to start doing something physically active for ages but really hadn't found anything that sounded like it was do-able, this sounded like something to actually try out.

I went with a couple of my cousins and my Aunt and we had a great time, I was so excited to be going and I had so much fun and even though I was so tired beforehand and didn't know if it was a good idea I felt so much better afterwards! I was so proud of myself-I kept up with the tempo and was able to do almost everything.
I'm really hoping that we are able to make this a regular outing, just need to work out if we can go to any of the time slots they have the classes normally-I really hope we can!

And today I am going to try out a dance group, I am part of an International folk dancing group back home and I really miss not going through the semester. Well last week I found out about a similar group I think, so this morning I am going to go and say hi-wish me luck!