I am tired, I hurt, I am way behind in my uni work, I have 3 assignments on the go (though I actually got another one finished and handed in a day early) and am supposed to be studying for a mid-term. I also have to research some stuff for a lab presentation we have to do next week.

As well as "reflect" on each days learning...what do they think we are? machines? Everyone was a bit surprised at the speech we got about being adults and not needing to be told what to do and that we are supposed to be putting x number of hours in a week, we are, honestly and that work will be done, just not necessarily the night of the same day-there is that little thing called priority!

All I want to do is sleep, I mucked up an appointment slot so badly we couldn't even find it for any time and so now the next available time is next Wednesday. I really need to see this person like a month ago but there is no point seeing someone else cos she knows all about me so I just have to wait. It was me who put it off in the first place though so I only have myself to blame.

I knew this was going to be hard, everyone told me it wasn't going to be easy but I sure didn't think I would ever be saying it was too hard...
I'm barely holding on, I'm not sinking just yet, but I'm not sure how long I can hold on. And I hate having to admit that I need help, all I want to be is normal like the rest of my class and able to get through the day...Is that too much to ask?

...oh make that-I am in pain (not just I hurt) this sucks.

So, sorry this was such a sucky post...I'm going to put my sorry self to bed and hopefully wake up a happier person tomorrow, or maybe not waking up at all would solve all my problems...

5 comments:

Tough Cookie said...

Poor, sweet darling :-( I know just how you feel. I have been there and may be there again in a few weeks when school begins again. But, here's the thing. We aren't normal and like everyone else in our classes. We just aren't and we need to recognize that instead of being upset that we aren't. Take one day at a time, and don't be afraid to ask for help, even from your teachers. Are you hooked up with the disability office? If not, you really should be. Why make things harder for yourself?

Feel better, love!

Tough Cookie said...

Also, be who you are. Know you are fucking fabulous, even with RSD, and that you can do whatever you set out to do. You are just as good as anyone in your class who is "normal," and once this semester is over, you'll look back and say, "Wow, I really worked through adversity and kicked some ass, too!" It will feel great! It still feels great when I look back on my last 2 semesters of school with 6 courses, living away from home, with no car, no help, and no meds. I got 6 A's!!!! We are tough as nails, babydoll. Know this. Live this.

All my love and admiration,
Maria

dave.schultz said...

You're so much tougher than I am, Ale. I also know how much good a good cry can do, so let it out if you feel the need.

We all love you.

Alessea said...

Thank you so much for your support Maria and Dave, honestly I don't think I would ever have got to the end of this funk without you.

Lisa Moon said...

Ohh, I'm sad now I've missed your last few posts... until now.

I couldn't say it any better than Maria has. Tough as nails? Yep, even that one that's stuck in my toes... er...

You can do it! You've got your own RSD cheerleaders! :D Go, Team!