First of all I just want to say, despite all the things I am doing, it doesn't mean I am not in pain anymore. I am pushing myself more and more to see (with the help of medications and such) how much I can actually handle without displaying complete stupidity or resulting in weeks of nightmarish pain flare - in case I miss the chance now and never feel capable again.

I don't know what is round the corner, I don't know if I am going to suddenly get worse and not be able to will myself to do things, so now while I feel like I can will myself to do almost anything I am going to take the chance (I almost feel like the old me is fighting to show through, the me who once was a human canon ball and who took every opportunity to prove people wrong). I think the summer spent in the pool being made to do things that I didn't think I could handle despite the pain it caused, showed me that I still have some fight in me yet and that I need more confidence - that is why I took the plunge, fought my fear and went to my first ballet class!

It is a very easy going class, a handful of adults who have little or no prior history of ballet. The teacher is young and very kind and didn't make me feel at all silly having no idea what first position was lol. Ballet seems to be more about grace, balance and skill rather than speed and rushing about and being a girly girl it has always been one of my dreams.

I don't expect to advance very much, I suspect it will take me all year to remember all the positions and who knows if I will ever coordinate arms with feet but that is not the point. The point is I am giving it a go! My physio was very excited to hear I was wanting to try, she says it will improve my balance and strength and provide a much needed social element to my life...getting away from study is so very important especially when you tend to sacrifice everything for required reading.

After my first class, when I discovered just how easy going it is going to be (i.e the emphasis is on having fun) the excitement of getting my first pair of ballet shoes started. So on Friday I headed out to find a shop that didn't look too foreboding (I felt rather self conscious going to buy my first pair of ballet shoes at almost 24) and went about asking to try some on please.

To be honest, my excitement lasted till I put the shoes on my feet. Now I don't know if I will be able to will them to actually stay on my feet the duration of the class and some days I know already I wont be able to keep them on but I want to try at least.
The poor lady in the shop...she actually stayed almost a half hour after closing to make sure I left with a pair that I felt I could handle on my feet. The first pair she got me to try were 'perfect' if I was a hardened dancer but were HORRIBLE! how do girls even bear to have these things on their feet and stand up and dance in them???? Suffice to say I did not end up with that pair. In the end I have a pair that hurt to wear but I think I can handle (it didn't matter how many different pairs I tried they all still hurt so I got a slightly roomier pair than the ones that were perfect). In time they will soften to my feet and I think a few extra pain pills before hand will aid in the tolerance levels.

I'm still excited about dancing, but now I've had reality kick in and tell me just how much a challenge this may turn into. Doesn't mean I am not going to try, just means I will be a bit more realistic about what I expect my body to do. But the best thing is I am am not afraid to give it a go!


SHC said...

4 little words:


I had an after thought to my comment, too...

I was going to get into a tai chi class in Hawaii, but with surgery after surgery, it never happened.

That's another one that is great for balance, gentle movement, and another nice compliment to keeping our bodies the best they can matter the challenges we have.

Don't know if they have it there, but again...but on dvd you could try.

Most classes are great though...out in nature, at peace, just the fluidity of time, space, and body...and mind.

Just a thought. Keep us posted and GOOD LUCK and HAVE FUN!!!

Secret Scientist said...

Hi again from SS

Well, I have now caught up with your entire blog history - makes very compelling reading. You need to keep a copy of your missives for they will make a great autobiography one day.

I am staggered at your ability to keep going - well done girl !!

Dancing is a key exercise to keep your body going. I am convinced that your pain will abate in the fullness of time.

I am saddened by your comment "24 and never been kissed".

Let me put your mind at rest on that one. I was 33 and had never been kissed so how sad is that!!! You have nothing to worry about on that front. Some advice....
Make your first real kiss either another girl or an older mature male. They both know how to do it properly, with tenderness and love. Avoid boys!! they are clumbsy idiots !!!!!

Anyway, dont worry about it for a long time yet. Get well, study well and enjoy your life.

Keep doing what you are doing - It's working for you.

I am really proud of you and talk about you often (No name of course) as example of inspirational achievement.

All my love and respect



Alessea said...

SHC-Thank you so much, I knew you would be :) I know there are tai chi classes for older adults as part of a falls prevention strategy our health agency provide, sounds about right for me lol, but I will start with the ballet for the moment, dont want to add too much in my pushed for time life. I'll keep you posted and keep us posted on your progress too!

SS-*kiss* you just made a semi sad evening turn into tears of joy! I hope you know how much your friendship means to me, *arms as wide as they can be*. I talk about you too, with pride in my own special SS, not everyone is blessed enough to have someone like you. Life is what you make it and I plan to make mine something worth remembering and if people cant deal with who I am because of that well, I'm learning again how to recover from rejection...Thank you for being you. That is such a little phrase but it has so much meaning. oxox

jeisea said...

What a great way to help yourself. You will benefit in so many ways. You know when you are positive your brain changes in a pay that helps you. You'll not only improve physically but will see many other benefits. Have heaps of fun and laugh a lot.

SailLttleboat07 said...

I love reading your blog- I don't feel as along everything... I have had RSD for a couple months now but only been officially diagnosed for a week or so...
One of my dreams is to become a physical therapist... It is so nice to read about how you are doing...
Thanks a million!!!