I may just will cry. Heck even if you just look at me my eyes may well up. You can asked me if I slept at all last night(it looks that bad? yes it looks that bad...), just dont sound like you care and I should be ok.

There is this horrible tension where I'm living, making life pretty miserable. I tend to hide in my room and I hate coming home now because I never know if its ok to say hi or whether I should say nothing. I dont know if she means to be like that, its just how it feels and I tend to be pretty sensitive to whats in the air.

Put that on top of a physio induced flare and chronic lack of sleep and its turned into a recipe for emotional breakdown. I just want to go home and cant wait till Easter when I get to go home for 9 days, it will be so nice to be looked after by my Mum for a week.


Lisa Moon said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lisa Moon said...

Aww, hon, I'm sending you more virtual hugs, like it or not!
Pain flares? Check! Feeling weepy? Check! Heck, are we all on the same wavelength (OK, I admit to being pre-menstrual, too)?
Gah, I wish it were also Easter as it makes me happy to think of your being cared for by your mum, who sounds quite lovely. :)

I'm so sorry things aren't very nice where you're living; that is the worst for us empathic types! Painful! Just makes our physical pain worse.

I don't want this to sound cruel because it's meant with love... but have you been able to talk with that helpful fellow lately? We CRPSers really need a solid support system, professionals and friends both.

Always remember you have a friend, even though I'm far away.

A friend who knows you're wonderful!

Love ya, sweets!

Lisa Moon said...

Sorry, the delete was because it posted my comment twice for some reason.

Anonymous said...

Just got your text, my phone is being hinky...
A has been on line all night so I didn't call.
I'll be down tomorrow, gotta do some stuff on the uni puters so I'll come find you.

You can always run away to here...
there is ALWAYS gonna be space for you...

Find you later, its today already...

off for a shower and some staring at the ceiling,
Flare ups suck big hairy donkey balls...

Maybe its someting in the weather.

Love you Butterfly...
Find you later,
No masks allowed,
WE can fall apart together...

Remember, I'm your ONE!!!

God bless and hope you get some sleep...

Got some good news for you tomorrow but wanna tell/ask you to your face.


Tough Cookie said...

Oh gee, I remember the days in undergrad where I felt the same way. How horrible to feel like a prisoner in your room and in your own body. Hold tight, Easter is soon. You deserve so much more than this :-(

E-mail me if you need to vent.

Dave Schultz said...


Secret Scientist said...

Hi from a sick friend

Alessea ….

I have been following your recent postings with an increasing sense of foreboding. You are clearly struggling with so many things and to dread even going home is a terrible position to be in.
You are however blessed to have so many people looking after you even if from afar. I read their comments and know that you are loved so much by so many. This is all that life is about. Everything else pales into insignificance if someone loves you.

I have been very quiet for the last month because I have done so many stupid things that I cannot begin to explain either to myself or those whom I have hurt (never meant to – just happened). I have lost virtually everything now. People in my life that mean so much to me (yourself particularly and others whom I love so much) seem to have gone forever. To be in a position where no one will ever utter those 3 simple little words to me again is more than I can bear.
Hopelessness, pain and futility has been my world for the last 6 months. I am in tears every day and the nights are long and lonely. With only 1 or 2 hours sleep, I cannot go on….
I have been getting professional help to deal with a dangerous combination of depression, fatigue, stress and total loneliness. I grieve every day.
Much of the basic content of that silly email I sent you was correct but I then crossed a line for which I am deeply sorry.
Alessea – I have hurt you – I did not mean to – I would never ever do so intentionally but I am in so much pain myself and am in such trouble… I wish I had never sent you that damn email.
I am so worried that I have added to your already overloaded life.
Is there a way forward that I can gain back your respect?
I am trying to take control of my life back. Like you, I am a fighter.
You inspire me Alessea. I am in awe of your ability to keep going despite idiots like me screwing it up for you. I am supposed to be there for you but the tables have turned – bless you !!!
I am also finding strength via an American singer – a truly amazing woman who is surviving in the face of total hopelessness. I will tell you about her next time I write – I am exhausted now – can’t continue today.
Alessea – please be my friend again.



SailLttleboat07 said...


I can feel for you and what you are going through right now- I haven't been having a particularly easy time since I got back to school- but keep going, keep fighting...
Hopefully by now you are feeling a bit better...
and good luck with everything!