...but I didn't think I was going to discover just how bad I am! I have just been striped of my smokescreen and goodness, I never realised how thick it was!

I have so many ways of getting around NOT doing movements but when you have a physiotherapist watching you like a hawk, trick movements are spotted right away.

We had hardly done anything when the dreaded words "we are going to go right back to basics" were uttered. As a physio student I know too much, I know what I should be doing, I know in reality the simplicity of them and cannot deal with the fact that I just cant make my body do what I want it to. As a result I feel embarrassment (but I would never feel like this towards a patient, that is the strange thing...if I had a patient like me I would be encouraging and do exactly what my physio did, explain how CRPS makes even just the simplest things too hard to start off with).

The truth is, I find it so hard being the one on the other end. I want to be the physio helping patients-I am not supposed to be the patient myself and this is creating an added obstacle. One I need to get passed so I focus all my energy on getting through the torture that is what this hydrotherapy is to me just now.

One little, essential movement results in tears, not because I am weak or a baby, but because it is interpreted by my brain as harmful...this is what I have to work through and today I face the reality of what summer is going to be-a painful journey but hopefully worth it. i just hope I have the strength, motivation and determination to push through and reach the goal which signal improvement.

I'm glad I'm not working over summer, I am supposed to try and get to the pool most days and I certainly wouldn't cope with this and having to work as well. She is going to talk to the Doctor about a 'rescue med' that I will be able to take to help ward off flares


Lisa Moon said...

Once again, I'm so impressed with your determination!
And I can totally understand about the professional (in training) part getting in the way - and knowledge like that can be a barrier in itself.
I know I've learnt many not-so-good ways to try and walk to spare my forefoot; when I first found my chirpractor who - also has certification in sports rehab - I was walking my 'penguin walk' with my CRPS (then undiagnosed) foot turned right outward, to prevent the toes from bending (where there was the most severe nerve pain). Luckily he was able to do some active release and other adjustments which helped immensely.
I'd gone to physio for about 4 or 5 months post-injury, but now I know that their approaches actually made things worse; standard phyiso tactics included icing pre- and post-exercises!

I'll be reading your posts closely to pick up techniques for my own use, grateful to learn from you, my dear!