Learning

Sometimes I feel that everything gets harder the more I try,
That nothing I do will ever get me where I want to be.
I want to scream to the world that I didn’t choose this life,
I don’t want to go on forever like this; I just want to have fun like everyone else.

I look back and things used to be so easy, why did it have to all change?
I have no answer to this question but how would that help me anyway?
Half of me wants to show everyone how I feel so they know just what its like,
The other half just wants to hide it all away so no one knows,
I don’t like getting treated differently.
I wish I could just show them that I have not changed, I am still me and I have feelings.

Then I look around and I see people dealing with what life has thrown them,
Bigger obstacles than I have to deal with.
They don’t show the frustration or anger I’m sure must be a reality to them,
Instead they are here, helping me learn not to say “I can’t” or let anything get in the way of my success.
Do they still feel doubt but unlike me, have mastered the art of hiding it away like I so desperately want to be able to do?

I am starting to see now that if I had one wish it would not be to go back to how things were, I am thankful for all the lessons I have learnt and still need to learn.
There is so much I could never understand had I not been given this path.
I am slowly learning that I am tougher than I thought and that even though many things are not easy this doesn’t make them impossible.

I have started on the journey of realisation and greater understanding.
Learning is not something to be taken lightly though sometimes I wish you could learn everything out of a book.
Instead we must learn by living and by experiencing and sometimes this is harder than you might think.
Life is what you make it, not what it throws at you and I am not one to be beaten.

I am no hero, but victory is all the sweeter when you have to work hard to earn it.