Getting stronger

I've been taking gabapentin for the last 7 months for the RSD (CRPS).
I ended up at my surgeons office basically pleading for him to give me something to dull the consuming pain I was in. I still remember how bad it was, how I felt like I was being driven insane and couldn't focus on anything other than the frozen cold, burning, stabbing unrelenting pain my foot. It was killing me slowly because I had lost control of my emotions and was getting so behind with my study I was afraid I would never catch up.

At that point I didn't have a proper diagnosis, various medical professionals had named it in passing (as he had done) before my hip surgery and they were very encouraging that the hip surgery would fix my symptoms. But after surgery when it got worse and it came to informing me what it was, he was very off hand. In a letter he wrote me he spoke of it as "pain that will come right by itself given enough time", didn't explain it more than that and certainly didn't mention RSD or CRPS. Several sports docs when I explained my symptoms did so at least I knew although because my surgeon hadn't actually called it that I still hoped against hope it wasn't.

Fast forward a bit, things are getting worse, pain is barely under control but not yet at the point it was last year. I have this super hypersensitive patch again on my thigh, like a bad deep bruise which I cant bear my pants touching and my foot is slowing starting to drive me insane again. The last thing I need just now on top of all the other drama is to be driven crazy by pain.

I went to the doc at student health and practically begged him to give me something for the pain and he just sits there and goes like what do I expect him to do...please help me! He's the doc, I need him to help me but I don't think he knows how to deal with me cos I have complicated problems. In all fairness though he refers me to a special doc in the city who I have seen before.

Now comes the point of this whole post...
I saw Dr Steve a few days ago, he sees my pretty purple foot and leg and he talks to me for over half an hour-I honestly love this guy!
He says this is complex regional pain syndrome, something I've needed a doctor to tell me properly for over a year now. Half of me was so disappointed but the rest of me felt relieved as now I can really say that is what is wrong with me-before I used to say I had a tentative diagnosis. He says we are going to keep this simple, is anything about this diagnosis simple? And then we get to the point of pain...or pain management...currently I'm on half the maximum dose of gabapentin you can take, he wants me to increase it to 3/4 the maximum dose, thats 2700mg per day and I'm a slight thing weighing in at around 45kg. (he talks about pain management as well but thats the topic of another post).

I'm scared...not about the amount of meds as such, but about the fact that after only 7 months I am increasing my dosage by half, what happens if I need to increase again in another 7 months? and then another 7 months-what happens then?
Another part of me is asking whether I am weak giving in this early to more meds, should I be stronger and take the pain for longer before I give in and start taking more? I dont know what to do, all I know is I cant let myself get to the point I was at last year and just now that is closer than I have admitted to anyone.

Goldfish

I have a new nickname.

I'm not sure I like it and as its not actually true (studies have shown that goldfish store memories for several months rather than 3 seconds) I don't think its fair on the goldfish!

This past week, every time someone has mentioned something that I have no memory of (and obviously should have) someone says "goldfish"! It is actually quite funny but I would rather have a nicer nickname if they are going to use it all over the place. Its even funnier how I don't even remember who started it or why it was started...poor memory or what!!!

Just for Jess...

I was going to make you wait till I come home for my holidays but then I thought that was a bit mean!

I had a hard time smiling so that it didn't look like I was high on drugs...


...not sure I succeeded lol!




...but I hope you get the idea.












Personally, I like these pictures best, but they are from November last year!

Mini Makeover

I got my hair cut and styled today!

It was long overdue, I haven't had it cut since a hairdresser traumatised me last October by cutting more off than she left on.
I got it straightened at the same time, it made it easier for her to cut it and it looks cute. Just a good few inches off the bottom and then some conservative layering to give it some body and shape, with a sweeping fringe that frames my round face (can you tell I am happy about it?). She was so lovely and caring, made me feel like I could trust her to do what I wanted, she made me feel relaxed which was so good-I haven't felt so relaxed for ages.

The thing that made my day though was my physio lab tutor noticed! He said it looked really nice and that he didn't recognise me when I walked into the room! He also said that I was looking much brighter today, much better than I have been looking for ages-just as well he didn't see me on Wednesday!

Wakey wakey...

Its been so long since I've posted (Jess will be saying UH HUH) and so much has happened that I've decided to start back up again. I have so much to talk about and sometimes I feel like I burden my friends way too much with all my problems.
I find it so hard sometimes to deal with all that life is throwing at me that I tend to need to talk so much that I wonder if they get sick of me but are too polite to say? I never used to be a talker, in fact someone who knew me say 5 years ago most likely wouldn't take me for the same person! I was so shy and reserved and wouldn't say boo to a goose I was that timid. Now I talk and talk and talk and talk-but all the while feeling guilty about needing to. I still have 'conversations', I'm not that person who takes all the lime light and doesn't let others speak (well at least I don't think I am) but I feel so unnatural needing to talk that I often wish I would just hide everything inside like I used to.

I think my 'need' to talk is one of my coping strategies, the more I am able to share my experiences with others the easier I find I can deal with them and maybe the smaller they seem to be? Talking through things seem to turn them from strange to normal although I don't think they always are! I'm just starting to think that maybe I should try not to talk so much about all the stupid random things that are happening to me, I don't want to lose my friends and just now I'm scared that is going to happen because I'm burdening them too much. My problems shouldn't be their responsibility and maybe thats what I've been turning them into without really realizing it.

Yay for having a blog eh? It will never tell me to stop talking or get sick of me-or at least I hope not!

I walked the steepest street in the world!

I walked up and down Baldwin Street on the weekend...

...it says its the worlds steepest street so I will respect that!

Looks quite steep really...

This was one of my little goals from last year that I never got done. It was such a great feeling getting to the top but I must admit that it wasn't anywhere near as bad as I expected it to be. My legs started to wobble on the downward route but they felt fine afterwards...maybe I'm in better shape than I thought I was!

What happened over summer...

So, first my apologies for not posting for so long...internet availability was ummm well a little difficult do to so many wanting to use it all the time.
What happened over summer break:

My best friend graduated from college
Got into physio school (well that’s the most important thing)
Lots of physio to rehab my shoulder to the point it is now functional
Was allowed to get back into swimming (shoulder injury meant no swimming)
Had a great holiday and Christmas/New Years
Caught up with lots of friends
Rode my bicycle heaps!
Saw my hip surgeon for a follow up, trying to decide if I'll go for the cortisone injection he offered...

I can’t remember if anything else happened or not! (Well apart from all that work in the chocolate factory and did I mention getting in to physio? whoo hoo!!!!!!

Too much science...

You know that you are a health science nerd when you compare your friend's hair style to the tranverse colon (honestly what was I thinking?).

I feel so bad, it was her birthday too and I think she felt a little insulted with that comment.

At work we have to wear these disposable caps like shower caps (I'm working in a chocolate factory) and she has long hair. This day she had plaited it and then put in in a bun in the morning but by the afternoon it had fallen out. In the cap I could see it lying in a position just like the tranverse colon does so I told her that her hair looked like large intestines, she was not impressed!
-I told her it was a complememt but I dont think she bought it!

Finally...more results.

So I finally got the rest of my results back.
Biochemistry - 69% (cringe)
Human Body Systems II -84%
Human Development - 88%

Taking my best 7 subjects this turns into a very healthy 79.6 gpa apparently.

I am relieved that I have them, slightly disappointed with my biochem results but then I came out of that exam realising all the mistakes I made so I am happy I passed really.

Now the big wait to see if I get offered a place in physio school with those grades.

My One year Anniversary...

So today is my one year surgery anniversary…its weird thinking that one year ago today I was sitting in St George’s hospital waiting for surgery. I remember being so scared about post op pain to the point of wanting to cancel surgery. My Mum said she would kill me if I did, thank God she didn’t let me as it has been worth all the pain of surgery (not that it was really that bad) to get to the point of where I am today.
This time last year I could hardly walk, sit, stand, sleep or do anything because my hip was so painful, I had no pain free flexion basically. I couldn’t reach my right foot and getting my socks and shoes on was a mission (I had to get someone else to cut my toe nails for me, luckily they hardly grew). I couldn’t play any sport or run or do so many things I still cant believe that several doctors didn’t seem to believe that something was wrong?!
Now I can walk with no pain, sleep (even starting to on my right side), run about a bit, putting on my socks and shoes is a breeze, I can even cut my own nails and 90 degrees of flexion is easy. I am swimming regularly, have played table tennis and badminton and have got back into dancing-yay! I have also just started attempting to wear something other than my trainers although it has to be something pretty special like an interview or a graduation dinner! My bike has even been dusted off and been for several walks (I don’t think I could say I went must faster than that but you have to start somewhere). All the pre-op pain was gone when I woke from surgery and the only time anything like it came back was when I fell down those stairs recently-I am happy to say it was short lived thank goodness. I get little tiny twinges of similar pain when I have my leg in flexion and internal rotation but I was told to expect that so I just make sure as much as possible that I don’t put myself in that position.

I was hoping I would be back to running and it’s a bit disappointing that I still cant deal with standing still for more than 2 seconds but then you cant have everything and I am still going around saying wow I can do…wow I can do…but I think these other issues are due to combinations of things (feet in particular) so I cant really blame my hip totally.

Something that is starting to concern me and I must bring it up when I go back to see my surgeon (I think I’m going back soon anyway…) is the continued tenderness and sensitivity around the incision site. I can just run my hand along it gently and it hurts so every time I bang it and trust me this is a lot, it hurts like hell, especially around where the greater trochanter is. I’m not sure this is normal and I would have thought that by now it would have got better and I had my screws out to deal with this so go figure. I have been in two minds to mention it to anybody at all as I feel so bad about it, I mean I don’t want to come across as ungrateful as I am so grateful its not funny but I think that maybe he has the right to know I am a little concerned about it. It’s certainly liveable and I wouldn’t switch pre-op pain with this for anything but I just want to know if there is still a chance it will get better over time.Even with this and the RSD symptoms, I am still totally happy with the surgical results and consider I am a 100% success as far as everything goes and as I said before, if it wasn’t for all the other complications I seem to have I think I would be better than I am right now-that’s pretty good now don’t you think!

I'm getting impatient...

It has been 3 weeks since my last exam and I still haven’t got all my results back. My second to last exam result has been available for half of that time but nothing of the other 3 yet - I call that shocking!

I have been checking once or twice a day (ok maybe more like 4-5 times) and every time I do I get butterflies as I scroll down the page to see second semester papers, and every time I am disappointed, enough already – I don’t care how bad they are, I just want to know!
I am waiting on biochemistry, human body systems and human development. Epidemiology results are out and considering how badly I did in the mid semester exam I was surprised and relieved with the result I achieved, I made some serious comeback in the final exam apparently!

It was the exam I found the hardest and even though I got an extra 20 min (bringing it to a total 2 hr 20min exam) I still struggled to finish the whole paper in time. Considering I thought it would be my worst result and then got a B+ (76%) I am worried that it wasn’t my worst exam after all. I was only hoping on getting B+’s in my best exams…I don’t really know what to think and I am getting impatient about having to wait and wait and wait!!!!!!!!!

So you know how I fell down those stairs....

...well I dont think it was such a good idea-I hurt my shoulder.

After about 2 weeks I gave in to my friends and went to get my shoulder checked out. I mean it wasn't too bad, I just couldn't wash or do my hair, get dressed properly, or write at all (and I was seriously swearing, something I do not do-no not too bad at all...)

Anyway trying seeing doctors here is almost pointless as you have to wait a least a week-sometimes two so I went back to the physio school clinic. I love Sue, she is the amazing lady at the desk and knows me quite well now so I went in to talk to her and see what she thought I should do, umm well she thought I should be seen pronto and gave me an appointment that afternoon with a postgrad student under Steve's watchful eye (inward groan from me).

Turned out I had damaged some of the nerves around my cervical spine which they were a bit concerned about and because of my complicated history I spent over an hour and needed to go back in the morning to continue the eval. as they hadn't even got around to seeing if I had really done anything to my shoulder or if it was just referred pain.
Well after 3 more than hour long appointments it was decided that I had damaged the nerves and just to be careful and let them settle and that it was possible that I had also damaged my shoulder in some way. I had my final exams and was supposed to be studying for them so I said I had no time for physio over the next 3 weeks and I would come back then to see what was going to be our plan of attack...( I am a bad person, I would have told someone off for doing this but I am a stuborn person and my exams took priority).

So after my exams (by the way my shoulder made me cry several times through these as it is sooooo painful) I went back to see Steve and this is where we are at:
Yes my shoulder hurts....
Yes I have damaged it somehow...
Ok so just now we are thinking damaged tendons, one possibly 2 (I think this turns into rotator cuff tears)
Maybe a torn labrum (yes you have them in your shoulder too) but hopefully not.
Need an ultrasound to check out what is going on.
He gave me 3 exercises to do in the meantime and I have to say that for the first time I am a slacker...they make it even more painful, doesn't seem to matter when I do them and so I am not doing them religiously as I did for my hip. He did say not to do one of them if it made it worse but right now I know that the other 2 are making it worse too so I am not keeping up as I should be.

I am going home tomorrow-my Dad is on his way down right now and then he is driving me back home tomorrow, I am so excited!

And Steve and my home doc have got together and on Tuesday I have an ultrasound and x-ray appointment all set up ready to see if we cant find out what is going on inside this naughty shoulder of mine.

Ok so it is positively screaming at me for having done all this typing-it is sure not a happy joint right now...

The Interview and my Exams

So, the interview was scary, I was so nervous and I could even hear it in my voice!
They asked a specific set of questions and I tried to answer as best as I could, remembering everything that I had gone over in my head beforehand. I wish I didn't have such a shocking memory-I came out and couldn't remember if I even said that physio's need to have good communication skills! I hope that I did say it though. Several times I answered the next question while answering the previous one that they asked, so I hope that is a good sign, I dont know really though.
It was nice to see how everybody got all dressed up for their interviews though-made me wish that we had more occasion to, everybody looked so smart!

I have no idea how the interview went-I am not too sure that I did ok and we do not get told. I will have to wait till I think its the 22nd or 23rd of December to find out if I get offered a place-and that is still dependant on if I pass this semester's exams at the required level which I hope to find out before the end of November.

My second semester exams are now all over and such a relief it is too! I had 4 this semester in 8 days and the last 3 in the space of 4 days so I am so very tired now that they are done, I just hope and pray that I did well enough to still hope for a place in physio school. Realistically I dont expect to get offered a place first round as so many people apply for all of the professional courses available. I am hoping though that when they have chosen their first choices (things like med and dent) that I will then get offered a place on second rounds-all my fingers and toes are crossed!

Number 4 - qualify for an interview

Number 3 (pass second semester) is comming, we have our exams starting in less than 2 weeks BUT....

...I HAVE BEEN OFFERED AN INTERVIEW TO GET INTO PHYSIO SCHOOL AND ITS ON WEDNESDAY!!!!!!!
I am so happy, for some reason I really thought I was going to miss out or they would muck up and not offer me one or something.

Yesterday my friend was over and she helped me decide on what to wear, I had to see if I could wear my nice black shoes as I havent worn anything but my trainers for the last ummmm....well since Feb 2006 so thats 20 months!

My orthotics have been changed since then so I was worried they wouldn't fit but the do so I'm pretty all set-even have a set of clothes for warm weather and one for cold weather-how organised is that.

Bring it on I say-inbetween stressing over what they are going to ask!