Week 2 has come and almost gone so this update is a little late, but better late than never!

Physio's comment "you make it look so easy" and my reply "well its not"...

I think that tells you that I am still progressing well as far as she is concerned and now on top of my original routine of torture, she has added hopping on each foot in the water.
I wasn't too happy with this addition and almost didn't make it through but she is full of compromise and fiddles about with things so I ended up being instructed to spend half a length hopping, then half a length kicking on my back, then half a length kicking on my front and then half a length hopping. That way I don't spend too long on any one thing (and don't have any excuse to not do them lol).

Tuesdays session with T (the physio) was spent talking for a bit rather than all in the pool this time, as I needed a 'lecture'. I had something happen on Monday and completely lost it, I broke down and spent most of the day in tears. The pain wasn't even as bad as it gets, I just couldn't handle the combination of things that had happened.
T say's that its all good to be taking a break but I still need some structure and that its very important that I make myself socialise. I have no routine and I basically spend most of my time with my family.
In the long run this is going to be more bad than good as in just this amount of time I have lost hold of all the coping mechanisms I had in place during semester. I can see this has happened, I have almost no energy to make myself do anything!

She said its very important that I try to do as many things that would be normal for someone of my age and because I tend to be more antisocial, this is one aspect I need to work really hard on.
I also need to find some voluntary work (which will fit around my life) as this will provide some structure, socialisation and help me regain my lost coping mechanisms. I've also planned some time away from my family for a break in the New Year, so I am looking forward to that.

Its amazing how in such a short space of time you can loose hold of something you never even thought you had...I now see that the hectic life of university was allowing me to cope well-because I HAD TO. Now that the pressure is off, I don't really have to do anything and so I am finding it increasingly difficult to do anything.
The trick will be to find a balance between these two poles so that I get the time to rest and recover that I need, but still retain the coping skills and motivation that is also as if not more important in the long term.


Lisa Moon said...

Yes, learning balance is such a key piece in many things in life, but seems especially important for us!

I can see how uni would keep you so busy, you were keeping a routine, socialising, etc.

It's great to hear about your family, as they sound very lovely and supportive, but your physio is quite correct about it being important to do things that other people your age would be doing.

Not to go crazy, but just to be 'out there', living life.

As grateful as I am for you and our other friends, I often wish so much that you were all close by (selfishly) so I could have in-person friends to share support and friendship. The Internet is my saving grace so often, but again, I think it's important to keep friendships in real time.

I know you can do it! It's a learning curve and, at times, things will change and you'll need to adjust your course... but you're smart, determined and best of all, a really special person.

Thinking of you! Hugs and friendship,


Anonymous said...

Miss having you around.

Tough Cookie said...

"T say's that its all good to be taking a break but I still need some structure and that its very important that I make myself socialise. I have no routine and I basically spend most of my time with my family"

That sounds just like me! It's so hard to have a social life feeling so terrible... and we can barely do the things that people our age do :-(

You deserve a lot of down time right now after a tough semester, but make sure you are doing things that you enjoy as well. I think if we lived in the same place, we would only need eachother :-)

Lisa Moon said...

Oh, me, too! It would be lovely if we all lived close enough to visit, wouldn't it?

However, despite the limitations of online friendships, I'm so glad to know you both. :)

Alessea said...

I often have thoughts steal over me...contemplating using my college fund to travel instead of for my study. How I do wish we could be together as I know just being in each others company would satisfy.