I had an exam this morning.

A few days ago we discussed this at the dinner table and as it was going to be on a Saturday my Uncle offered to take me into uni so I wouldn't have to ride in on my scooter.
Me being stubborn, as usual quickly said no and if I recall, it wasn't a very gracious no either, I feel like people are taking away my independence so I get very defensive very quickly.

Fast forward to this morning...wake up to blustery rain with snow on the hills-just what I need. I take a shower and try not to think about what is ahead of me never mind the exam...the very cold, very wet ride and then the long walk from one end of uni where I park my scooter to where my exam is. My foot is not behaving well at the moment because of the see-saw hot-cold weather we are having and riding my scooter is the worst because I cant wear any proper shoes that would help keep my feet warmer on the ride in.
Just as I am getting my wet weather pants out of my scooter and moving it out to the driveway ready to go, my Uncle has just got up and asks me again if I would like a lift in to uni...I feel so bad saying yes, this time not because I don't want a lift but because I'm lucky to have him here when I need it and I had already refused his help earlier. It really would have served me right if he hadn't offered again!

Somehow I need to come to terms with the fact that accepting help is not giving in or losing independence, it is simply being 'smart' and that I'm entitled to a bit of assistance to get me through.

The undergrad dean told me a few weeks ago that their job was to provide me with what I needed to continue on the program, but that it was MY job to make use of all the help that was available to me and just do my best. I don't have to do this on my own and trying to wont do me any favours.

This is a sentence I wrote in a scholarship application I applied for at the beginning of the year...

"I freely admit that in order to fulfil my dream, I will need ongoing help and support and I am not afraid to ask for it."

I think I need to remind myself that "A am not afraid to ask for help"!!!


Tough Cookie said...

Fantastic! I am sooo happy to hear that! Your life will become so much easier with less pain too :-) Great job!