We had a little chat after an event last Saturday with a lady I haven't seen much (due to being away for uni)...and she asked me how long I had been away...4 years...so much has happened in those years its scary looking back at them!

So she turns round and exclaims to my Mum "did you know she's been away for 4 years?" to which my Mum replied "yes...and I know she's back cos my life is busier when she's around...dr's visits, physio appointments, surgeries, specialist appointments...." oops... sorry Mum.

But yes my poor Mother turns into a bit of a driver for many of these appointments as I cant take myself a lot of the time. Firstly I can't drive (yet...I'm working on this ok...in my head at least, but I do use alternative transport when I can), and quite often I need her as an extra set of ears because I forget so much. Being 24 and living with a chronic health condition changes what we classify as 'normal'...for me a meds schedule is normal, ongoing physio is normal, regular dr visits are normal, needing to rest during the day can be normal, struggling to stand up at the end of the day is normal, being unemployed is normal...and the list goes on...

None of these things were part of my 'normal' life 4 years ago, in fact I hardly spent much time sleeping and I worked my ass off to save money while studying full time, as well as having plenty of social activities I kept myself active with...and I didn't need to rely on my Mum to take me places much (I didn't drive back then either but I'd walk, cycle or bus most places).

Change, that is the one constant in life and sometimes it changes dramatically in ways you never thought would happen to you. When S said to my Mum "did you know she's been away for 4 years?" I starting thing wow...what a load has happened in that 4 years, my life completely changed...and you look back and think what a blessing it was to not know what was going to happen cos if I had known, I'm not sure I would have been game to carry on like I have....which brings me to my next point...

I passed second semester (yes that was a pass...), I've known this for a few days but its not been the climatic relief and didn't bring on the celebration bells quite as much as it has for a few other people in my year. Well, because I still can't say I passed 3rd year which is what all my friends are doing...I still have to sit that component I missed back in May...but now I have the date for that, 18th of January I get to go down and sit my pathology component and once that is done and graded I will be able to say I passed 3rd year. But until then I just am pretty sure I will pass it. But I dont KNOW it, and thats the difference, I dont want to jinx myself by saying I passed when I havent technically yet...pathology isn't too difficult though (providing I actually get down to studying and revising) so I'm going to pass.
But can you believe...I'm actually going to head into 4th year with the majority of my 1st year class...I have made it this far without lagging behind or failing anything..despite health issues, hospital admissions, too many accidents to count, and despite a number of people's disbelief that I could...hmm...now the test will be to make it through 4th year unscathed and my ultimate dream at the moment is to graduate beside all my friends knowing I kept up all the way through...now wouldn't that be something...so watch this space around this time next year...fingers crossed you see graduation photos!

3 comments:

Caf said...

Huge congrats on achieving so much! Just reading about you getting through amongst all your extra burdens is amazingly inspirational :)

I think if I'd had a crystal ball, I'd have been too scared to push forward, too. I think I'm going to start embracing the uncertainty a little more...

xx

SailLttleboat07 said...

Your amazing! You should be so proud at all you have accomplished!! I know I am proud for you just reading what you have done!! Congrats!

Dave Schultz said...

Warm wishes for the holidays, Felicia, and many conrats on making it through.