My Mum is an Angel and home is a piece of heaven

I have the warmest room in the house, my Mum put on the electric blanket to warm my bed for me when I was out the other night and I have had the best 2 nights sleep I have had in a long time.
Nothing is too much trouble, too much work, she cooks really nice dinner for me, takes me out to the shops to get food and snacks I can manage to eat, just being home for 2 and a half days and I'm feeling more relaxed.

Exams are over for now and time will tell how I have done. I don't want to think about them really because I dont feel like I have much hope of doing ok. This will be the closest I have ever felt to actual failure and I'm not even sure I want to know my exam results. Its weird, the longer I continued to feel so ill and the less time I had to study, the less I cared about even sitting any exams, I didnt have the energy. I'm just more frustrated than anything that I wasn't able to put the work I wanted and needed to put into exam prep as I should have and because of that its going to be hard not to be disappointed.

I went to see a dr and he was really lovely, didnt make me feel like it was all about feelings (and if you sort out your emotions everything will disappear...). He ran some more bloods and I will get the results sometime this coming week and he wrote a certificate for my exam impairment application. I'm not expecting that the blood tests will reveal anything but its worth ruling things out just the same.
I contacted the physio who works with my pain specialist and she said that he will be able to help me and that she will be able to help me work on the nausea too, saying it is the result of a 'lowered central threshold'. So I'm thinking thats a bit like the hypersensitivity that comes with crps and that now my body is reacting to other types of normal stimuli the wrong way (I'm expecting to be told its a result of stress). I'm just glad to hear that hopefully once I see them I will be able to get over all this and be back to feeling better becuase I really dont like the thought of carrying on like this for much longer. Mornings are the worst by far and one of my practical exams finished a little pear shaped as I did not make it out the door before I fainted causing yet more havoc. I told the associate dean that I'm not comming back for semester 2 if I'm not feeling better, there is no way I can get through class full time and clinical placement feeling the way I have been. Mum suggested trying ginger to see if it helped the nausea and although it doesnt get rid of it completely, drinking ginger beer and sucking these ginger sweets I found is certainly helping me get through the day much easier and I'm finally able to eat a bit more without fear of puking it up again.

I have almost finished packing yet again, tomorrow afternoon I'm off overseas to Australia for an 8 day holiday visiting a friend who is studying med. I'm so excited that we are both on semester break at the same time so that we are able to be together and have some well earned fun. She has been 'plotting' ever since I booked my flights and I just hope that I dont ruin anything because of how I've been feeling. She is not fazed and says we will just see how things go and plan accordingly. Frequent small meals are on the menu and I know she is someone who will understand if I say I need to sit or slow down at any point. She is going to make a really good dr in a few years time.
So, I wont be online very much if at all in the next week as I'm leaving my laptop behind and looking forward to taking things easy with a good friend, forgetting about uni and hopefully feeling a bit better as well. Just a little bit scared as I will be flying on my own and spending the first night on my own in central Sydney before I catch the 8 hour train to where my friend is living but I'm sure I will be fine :)

If wishes were horses, beggars would ride...

How I wish that I could stop feeling sick. Nausea sucks...

nausea+random pain+crps pain+exam stress=too much.

I'm being worn down by having to deal with all this, despite the fact I have actively stopped stressing about exams, I know subconsciously I still am. But I have been through exams with crps before and I didn't make myself physically sick so I'm inclined to think that there is more going on.
Also the nausea started over a month ago, way before even the hint of exam pressure was dawning.

I feel worse once I have eaten, which is making life difficult as you cant just stop eating (or at least I cant afford to).

I have figured out that a piece of toast in the morning (minus the bottom crust) and a glass of juice to take my meds, will stay down. Any more and I have trouble stopping it come back up. Lunch time I can eat a few crackers and an apple or a yoghurt if I'm lucky...
Dinner mostly I'm eating almost 2/3rds of what I had been and feel pretty sick but can keep it down if I stay still.
If I try eating any more than that then watch out my stomach will not like it and it wont stay down.
I'm sipping water throughout the day so I'm keeping hydrated.

Last night I had a piece of chocolate cake a bit after dinner and boy did I regret it afterwards but it did taste nice :)

I'm not sleeping due to the tummy pain and nausea, feeling pretty tired due to the lack of sleep, end of semester and probably lack of food.
Starting to get pretty upset with myself because I'm not able to spend the time I know I should be and need to studying. I have to lay curled up a lot because that's the best position to keep from puking and you cant study like that (not when you feel rotten anyway).

I'm starting to notice subtle signs that I'm losing weight, which is something I am very aware I need to stop because I don't have reserves to loose.
A friend suggested I just become anorexic to solve the problem!!!which is terrible advice, there is no way I can afford to even get myself into that way of thinking.

I have a Dr's appointment tomorrow to get a medical certificate to go with my special consideration application and I really hope that this guy will be able to suggest something to help me feel better.
Because its been suggest this is related to crps I don't really know what to think about it. I cant wait for my pain specialist appointment next month to ask him his opinion, because I guess he is my specialist and will hopefully give me some direction on what could be going on. I don't like the thought this actually could be crps, I don't deal well with nausea and if I cant get it under control there is no way I am going to be able to get through the rest of the year with clinical placements etc. I just don't see it possible...crps is hard enough without adding daily nausea to it.

I'm just so tired of no relief and no end in sight, what could possibly be causing all this to be happening?

An RSD guide to getting through exams

SET REALISTIC GOALS! Before you turned into a chronic pain warrior you may have been able to Ace an exam with your eyes closed, but its different now...SO WHAT!…just being here trying is testimony to your courage and strength (and that C or B is worth so much more than those A’s you used to get, just because of the effort you put into getting them)

Phone a friend to debrief after your exams if you feel that unloading helps your mind calm down.

Don’t run out of any meds (or if you do make sure you have a friend on hand with a stash gathering dust)

Surround yourself with supportive people, find someone you study well with, teaching others what you are learning is a great way to understand something better. But schedule some alone time too.

Take regular breaks…Sometimes taking a break is better than trying to cram more information in, your brain only holds so much, and its probably holding a good amount of pain so that leaves limited space.

Do NOT put yourself down in the middle of an exam because you heard yourself say/do something wrong or silly…so what? Everybody is making those same mistakes and at least you tried!

Its ok to freak out a LITTLE, heck everyone around you is too so its normal, just don’t let it consume you.

Don’t cancel sport/exercise/dance dates to study, having fun releases endorphins, de-stresses and increases blood flow - all more important for your brain than looking at pages of dancing letters for the 1000th time.

Set little rewards between exams, things to look forward to...they are great at helping you stay focused

Now is a good time to practice those meditation and relaxation strategies you know how to use…you could even do with teaching them to a few of your frazzled classmates

Eat PROPERLY, do not skip meals just because you cant waste study time, and drink plenty of WATER

Go to bed and try and get the same number of hours of sleep you would usually get, being extra tired is not going to help your over worked brain function well.

BELIEVE in yourself, you probably know more than you think you do, and stressing about shoulda/coulda’s doesn’t change anything (except waste more precious time)

And be PROUD of your achievements, you dont have it easy so to be standing where you are makes you AMAZING!

Please grant me the strength to get through

because right now everything is so overwhelming that its taking all I've got to keep myself together.

I have not done enough study to get me through the next week of practical, oral and written exams and I do not feel I deserve to pass.

I have studied and practiced but not as much as I wanted to and certainly not as much as I should have. I am still dealing with this horrible tummy pain and nausea that is affecting almost everything. Dear God I need a miracle...

I've been tagged :)

This is a bit of a different questionnaire that Alison tagged me with so I thought I would play the game :)

What is your current obsession?

I wouldn't say that I am obsessed with anything as such...but being in control would have to be my 'obsession' I think.

Starbucks or Peets?

I'm not sure what Peet's is either so I say Starbucks. They are pretty expensive so quite a treat but they do make nice hot/iced chocolates (what I order lol).

What's for dinner?

I've just had my dinner, it was mashed potato and this lamb curry dish thing my Uncle made.

What would you eat for your last meal?

A really nice Italian pasta dish and some salad, and then a to die for chocolate cake (how fitting lol).

What was the last thing you bought?

A packet of perky nana's does the count? But the last thing I bought that wasnt food was return flights to Sydney for a week during my semester break.

What are you listening to right now?

Jon Schmidt (probably sounds weird but I love listening to piano pieces)

What is your favourite flavour ice cream?

A really good real chocolate ice cream

What do you think of the person(s) that tagged you?

She is an amazing young woman and I think that she will achieve some amazing things as she grows up!

If you could go anywhere in the World for the next hour, where would you go?

I would love to go and meet one of my overseas RSD friends, but it would be really hard to choose who to go visit...

Which language do you want to learn?

Sign language, I have been wanting to learn this for absolutely ages but have to wait till after I finish my degree because I dont have the time just now.

What is your favourite quote right now?

"Spread your wings and fly...nothing is impossible!"

What is your favourite piece of clothing in your own wardrobe?

I think is the amazing blue dress hiding in a bag in my wardrobe, its sky blue and has flowers and butterflies on it in beadwork, its such a pretty grown up dress and I am saving it for my graduation dinner to wear it is so special.

What is your dream job?

I want to be a Physiotherapist (Physical therapist) who works in pain management and helps others who are in the same position I have been in. I am getting closer to reaching my goal, a year and a half to go.

What is your worst habit?

I am too scared to speak my mind and instead I just sit quiet and dont say anything. There are many times I would like to just say how I'm feeling but I dont want to create a scene.

If you had £100, what would you spend it on right now?

I would keep it for my holidays that are coming up really soon, I would spend it in Sydney on some nice clothes and things to spoil myself a bit.

Do you admire anyones style?

I always liked Liv Tyler, she seemed to have depth unlike a lot of celebrities around. But I dont really follow the stars. I admire my best friend very much, she has so much confidence and because of that is exploring the world and having so much fun (I wish I was with her so we could do it together)

Describe your style?

I am pretty girly but am really lazy and mostly go around in trackpants and comfy tops and sneakers. I need comfy and sensible clothes because of what I am studying at uni.

What are you going to do after this?

Study!!!! Exams are so so close!

What are your favourite movies?

Well of course there is The Sound of Music :) and I love Finding Neverland too.

What is your favourite fruit?

Summer fruits, too many to name

What inspires you?

The people close to me who battle on showing so much courage, they inspire me to continue fighting on. S a physio at the school I study at, he reminds me why I'm doing this and that nothing can stop me achieving my goal.

Your favourite book?

I love proper childrens classics, L M Alcot (The little woman 4 books), C S Lewis (Narnia chronicles), L M Montgomery (Anne of Green Gables series)...you get the picture, I'm a romantic and have a vivid imagination so these types of stories make full use of it. I dont read much anymore due to my head injury and the rsd effects.

Do you collect something?

Pretty things lol, I have a coin collection and also stamps among other random things like the minature Winnie the Pooh play sets that were around a while back.

What is your favourite smell?

Just after it has rained, the air smells so clean and lovely.

What are you most proud of?

I guess I am proud of what I have got through and the fact I am still in the physio school program. Things have been tough but I am still here doing my best.

What are five beauty products you couldn't live without?

Beauty products are not really my thing but I make sure I wear my bronzing powder when on placement, otherwise I look pretty ill and I dont like being asked whether I'm ok all the time.

Cats or dogs?

Cats

A cosy night in or a night on the town?

A cosy night in :)


I'm not into tagging people so if you want to play along feel free!
here are the rules:
1. respond and rework; answer the question on your blog, replace one question that you dislike with a question of your invention, add more one question of your own.
2. tag eight other people