My bonny wee lad

Here are a few pics of my Godson Matthew, he entered the world abruptly while they were on the way to hospital in the middle of the night. Thankfully both Mother and baby were fine. Just before my exams started he was baptised and I am a very proud doting Godmother (now I have two kiddies to spoil). His Dad was in an accident the day after his baptism so things have been a bit tough in their house for a bit but it sounds like daddy is recovering well so fingers crossed he won't have much in the way of lasting impairment.I made his mother promise to take pics of him while I was away on break for 3 weeks because I was going to miss him growing (hopefully will get them from her soon) and he has grown a lot!

They came round the other afternoon when I was home from uni so I got lots of smiles and cuddles until he was fussing to be fed and Mother was required again :)I love babies, and he is a cutie. I cant believe that he is 10 weeks already!

Sydney trip...

Ok, so a little summary of my trip away. The plane ride over was ok, but I felt it more in the morning as I had to get my bags down 2 flights of stairs, silly me declined the offer of help from a young man. The 8 hour train ride to Armidale was ok too as I didnt have anyone sitting beside me so I was able to rest my legs up for most of the trip.
The first few days I spent in Armidale where my friend is studying, it was the 'restful' part of the trip, we did venture out and went on a heritage tour as well as a shopping trip and she gave me a guided tour of the university. But there was plenty of time for resting up, so much that I even read a whole book (something I haven't done for I dont know how long). She was in charge of all meals so I really didnt have to do much at all!

Then we took the train (another 8 hours and this time no chance of putting my feet up) back to Sydney to spend the rest of my holiday to get a taste of what Sydney has to offer. We were lucky enough to be able to stay in her friends appartment which was really nice.

We did rather a lot in the 4 days we had, maybe a little too much for me but I didnt want to waste the time so I braved it out. We did mammoth amounts of walking and there were a few moments where I just had to sit down and we had to find somewhere with seats. There was no chance of sitting on the pavement because there were just so many people walking everywhere. Each night as we headed back to the appartment for tea I was on my last legs so dinner was always simple and we got in our jamas and watched movies before going to sleep.
The weather was lovely most of the time, much warmer than it had been at home and a couple of days it was even just t-shirt weather.
I did have a lot of fun and we are already plotting places to go and visit (and shops too) which we didnt have time for but have decided we need to be earning and have plenty of money to spend lo (but even without much money this time I managed a fair bit of shopping)l!

Once I got home (thank you Mum for picking me up at the airport in the middle of the night), it took me a bit to get over the over activity of the week away but we pay the price of having fun and it was worth it. Waiting for the heritage tour to start in Armidale

With the Sydney harbour bridge in the background, it was warm enough for short sleeves

One of my much needed sit down breaks and refueling (I had a strawberry blended ice which was yummy!)

Another sunny day having fun on the way to Darling Harbour

Indulging, we had our nails done one morning

Its an update...

Holiday adventures should be the first post but I haven't got them all written up so instead I've got some dr appointment news to share.
I've been issued with a few things I MUST do (uh things I kinda knew I should be doing but have been a little slack with)
1-Try and take at least one salmon oil capsule a day despite how sick I feel (had been taking 4)
2-Make sure I take magnesium every day (should help the crappy distorting cramp things)
3-use the lignocaine cream twice a day (not the every now and then I have been doing to save it)
4-NO more falls

I got offered another peripheral nerve injection but it didnt do much good last time and I dont know what my hesitation is but I just dont feel 100% so I said no, I even said to them I didnt know why except that it didnt help much last time and they were fine with it but I still felt like I didnt have a good enough reason to say no.

I saw my physio this morning and its always good to see her because we get an hour to really discus things.
One of the first things she asked me was how much weight had I lost! I dont even know as I haven't weighed myself but its not that much I'm sure.
I had another random, extreme, double over in waves of pain, sweat bucket loads and feel like I'm going to pass out episodes a couple of days ago. Dr once again goes through the process of suspecting appendicitis (which I said it wasnt going to be), it was different from last time and several theories were suggested, bloods were done (which showed an elevated white count but later attributed to a cold I had over a week ago) but for now I'm to just monitor how things go.
Physio is pretty sure its all crps related, preceded by bad eating habits and stress. Apparently my stomach and GI tract are reacting to normal stimuli (ie food) and stretch and is so sensitive because I've basically been starving myself (not intenionally) so now I just feel very ill and nauseated all the time. So instead of the usual physio catch up session I had a nutrition lesson. A meal planner has been drawn up and step by step how to build up to eating 6 meals a day and what should be included in each one. I am not looking forward to all the work planning lists of choices but if this is what I have to do to start feeling better then I'm going to try my best. I am going to have to really plan this well so that I know what to buy at the supermarket each week or its not going to work and I need this to work.

We really didnt touch on how things have been going crps wise in other directions because she said the most important thing right now is to get me back on track or else nothing is going to change regardless of what we do. She did make me feel a bit better by saying that I'm doing really well and that because I'm in such a physically demanding course that its helping keep me going. Despite the times like I told her when I really don't want to eve stand up, I do because I have to...I realise even though I felt like I had lost my motivation-if I had, I wouldn't have carried on so I know I'm going back to physio school on Monday and I know I can do this. She also said not to let people make me feel like I have to prove anything, I can do this just as well as anybody and passing all my exams from last semester (apart from the one I have yet to sit) shows that. Another thing for me to keep in mind.

So for now I'm just going to focus on the things I can change, like my eating habits (or lack of) and following the pain specialists instructions more closely because if I dont do my part how can I expect change?

My Mum is an Angel and home is a piece of heaven

I have the warmest room in the house, my Mum put on the electric blanket to warm my bed for me when I was out the other night and I have had the best 2 nights sleep I have had in a long time.
Nothing is too much trouble, too much work, she cooks really nice dinner for me, takes me out to the shops to get food and snacks I can manage to eat, just being home for 2 and a half days and I'm feeling more relaxed.

Exams are over for now and time will tell how I have done. I don't want to think about them really because I dont feel like I have much hope of doing ok. This will be the closest I have ever felt to actual failure and I'm not even sure I want to know my exam results. Its weird, the longer I continued to feel so ill and the less time I had to study, the less I cared about even sitting any exams, I didnt have the energy. I'm just more frustrated than anything that I wasn't able to put the work I wanted and needed to put into exam prep as I should have and because of that its going to be hard not to be disappointed.

I went to see a dr and he was really lovely, didnt make me feel like it was all about feelings (and if you sort out your emotions everything will disappear...). He ran some more bloods and I will get the results sometime this coming week and he wrote a certificate for my exam impairment application. I'm not expecting that the blood tests will reveal anything but its worth ruling things out just the same.
I contacted the physio who works with my pain specialist and she said that he will be able to help me and that she will be able to help me work on the nausea too, saying it is the result of a 'lowered central threshold'. So I'm thinking thats a bit like the hypersensitivity that comes with crps and that now my body is reacting to other types of normal stimuli the wrong way (I'm expecting to be told its a result of stress). I'm just glad to hear that hopefully once I see them I will be able to get over all this and be back to feeling better becuase I really dont like the thought of carrying on like this for much longer. Mornings are the worst by far and one of my practical exams finished a little pear shaped as I did not make it out the door before I fainted causing yet more havoc. I told the associate dean that I'm not comming back for semester 2 if I'm not feeling better, there is no way I can get through class full time and clinical placement feeling the way I have been. Mum suggested trying ginger to see if it helped the nausea and although it doesnt get rid of it completely, drinking ginger beer and sucking these ginger sweets I found is certainly helping me get through the day much easier and I'm finally able to eat a bit more without fear of puking it up again.

I have almost finished packing yet again, tomorrow afternoon I'm off overseas to Australia for an 8 day holiday visiting a friend who is studying med. I'm so excited that we are both on semester break at the same time so that we are able to be together and have some well earned fun. She has been 'plotting' ever since I booked my flights and I just hope that I dont ruin anything because of how I've been feeling. She is not fazed and says we will just see how things go and plan accordingly. Frequent small meals are on the menu and I know she is someone who will understand if I say I need to sit or slow down at any point. She is going to make a really good dr in a few years time.
So, I wont be online very much if at all in the next week as I'm leaving my laptop behind and looking forward to taking things easy with a good friend, forgetting about uni and hopefully feeling a bit better as well. Just a little bit scared as I will be flying on my own and spending the first night on my own in central Sydney before I catch the 8 hour train to where my friend is living but I'm sure I will be fine :)

If wishes were horses, beggars would ride...

How I wish that I could stop feeling sick. Nausea sucks...

nausea+random pain+crps pain+exam stress=too much.

I'm being worn down by having to deal with all this, despite the fact I have actively stopped stressing about exams, I know subconsciously I still am. But I have been through exams with crps before and I didn't make myself physically sick so I'm inclined to think that there is more going on.
Also the nausea started over a month ago, way before even the hint of exam pressure was dawning.

I feel worse once I have eaten, which is making life difficult as you cant just stop eating (or at least I cant afford to).

I have figured out that a piece of toast in the morning (minus the bottom crust) and a glass of juice to take my meds, will stay down. Any more and I have trouble stopping it come back up. Lunch time I can eat a few crackers and an apple or a yoghurt if I'm lucky...
Dinner mostly I'm eating almost 2/3rds of what I had been and feel pretty sick but can keep it down if I stay still.
If I try eating any more than that then watch out my stomach will not like it and it wont stay down.
I'm sipping water throughout the day so I'm keeping hydrated.

Last night I had a piece of chocolate cake a bit after dinner and boy did I regret it afterwards but it did taste nice :)

I'm not sleeping due to the tummy pain and nausea, feeling pretty tired due to the lack of sleep, end of semester and probably lack of food.
Starting to get pretty upset with myself because I'm not able to spend the time I know I should be and need to studying. I have to lay curled up a lot because that's the best position to keep from puking and you cant study like that (not when you feel rotten anyway).

I'm starting to notice subtle signs that I'm losing weight, which is something I am very aware I need to stop because I don't have reserves to loose.
A friend suggested I just become anorexic to solve the problem!!!which is terrible advice, there is no way I can afford to even get myself into that way of thinking.

I have a Dr's appointment tomorrow to get a medical certificate to go with my special consideration application and I really hope that this guy will be able to suggest something to help me feel better.
Because its been suggest this is related to crps I don't really know what to think about it. I cant wait for my pain specialist appointment next month to ask him his opinion, because I guess he is my specialist and will hopefully give me some direction on what could be going on. I don't like the thought this actually could be crps, I don't deal well with nausea and if I cant get it under control there is no way I am going to be able to get through the rest of the year with clinical placements etc. I just don't see it possible...crps is hard enough without adding daily nausea to it.

I'm just so tired of no relief and no end in sight, what could possibly be causing all this to be happening?

An RSD guide to getting through exams

SET REALISTIC GOALS! Before you turned into a chronic pain warrior you may have been able to Ace an exam with your eyes closed, but its different now...SO WHAT!…just being here trying is testimony to your courage and strength (and that C or B is worth so much more than those A’s you used to get, just because of the effort you put into getting them)

Phone a friend to debrief after your exams if you feel that unloading helps your mind calm down.

Don’t run out of any meds (or if you do make sure you have a friend on hand with a stash gathering dust)

Surround yourself with supportive people, find someone you study well with, teaching others what you are learning is a great way to understand something better. But schedule some alone time too.

Take regular breaks…Sometimes taking a break is better than trying to cram more information in, your brain only holds so much, and its probably holding a good amount of pain so that leaves limited space.

Do NOT put yourself down in the middle of an exam because you heard yourself say/do something wrong or silly…so what? Everybody is making those same mistakes and at least you tried!

Its ok to freak out a LITTLE, heck everyone around you is too so its normal, just don’t let it consume you.

Don’t cancel sport/exercise/dance dates to study, having fun releases endorphins, de-stresses and increases blood flow - all more important for your brain than looking at pages of dancing letters for the 1000th time.

Set little rewards between exams, things to look forward to...they are great at helping you stay focused

Now is a good time to practice those meditation and relaxation strategies you know how to use…you could even do with teaching them to a few of your frazzled classmates

Eat PROPERLY, do not skip meals just because you cant waste study time, and drink plenty of WATER

Go to bed and try and get the same number of hours of sleep you would usually get, being extra tired is not going to help your over worked brain function well.

BELIEVE in yourself, you probably know more than you think you do, and stressing about shoulda/coulda’s doesn’t change anything (except waste more precious time)

And be PROUD of your achievements, you dont have it easy so to be standing where you are makes you AMAZING!

Please grant me the strength to get through

because right now everything is so overwhelming that its taking all I've got to keep myself together.

I have not done enough study to get me through the next week of practical, oral and written exams and I do not feel I deserve to pass.

I have studied and practiced but not as much as I wanted to and certainly not as much as I should have. I am still dealing with this horrible tummy pain and nausea that is affecting almost everything. Dear God I need a miracle...

I've been tagged :)

This is a bit of a different questionnaire that Alison tagged me with so I thought I would play the game :)

What is your current obsession?

I wouldn't say that I am obsessed with anything as such...but being in control would have to be my 'obsession' I think.

Starbucks or Peets?

I'm not sure what Peet's is either so I say Starbucks. They are pretty expensive so quite a treat but they do make nice hot/iced chocolates (what I order lol).

What's for dinner?

I've just had my dinner, it was mashed potato and this lamb curry dish thing my Uncle made.

What would you eat for your last meal?

A really nice Italian pasta dish and some salad, and then a to die for chocolate cake (how fitting lol).

What was the last thing you bought?

A packet of perky nana's does the count? But the last thing I bought that wasnt food was return flights to Sydney for a week during my semester break.

What are you listening to right now?

Jon Schmidt (probably sounds weird but I love listening to piano pieces)

What is your favourite flavour ice cream?

A really good real chocolate ice cream

What do you think of the person(s) that tagged you?

She is an amazing young woman and I think that she will achieve some amazing things as she grows up!

If you could go anywhere in the World for the next hour, where would you go?

I would love to go and meet one of my overseas RSD friends, but it would be really hard to choose who to go visit...

Which language do you want to learn?

Sign language, I have been wanting to learn this for absolutely ages but have to wait till after I finish my degree because I dont have the time just now.

What is your favourite quote right now?

"Spread your wings and fly...nothing is impossible!"

What is your favourite piece of clothing in your own wardrobe?

I think is the amazing blue dress hiding in a bag in my wardrobe, its sky blue and has flowers and butterflies on it in beadwork, its such a pretty grown up dress and I am saving it for my graduation dinner to wear it is so special.

What is your dream job?

I want to be a Physiotherapist (Physical therapist) who works in pain management and helps others who are in the same position I have been in. I am getting closer to reaching my goal, a year and a half to go.

What is your worst habit?

I am too scared to speak my mind and instead I just sit quiet and dont say anything. There are many times I would like to just say how I'm feeling but I dont want to create a scene.

If you had £100, what would you spend it on right now?

I would keep it for my holidays that are coming up really soon, I would spend it in Sydney on some nice clothes and things to spoil myself a bit.

Do you admire anyones style?

I always liked Liv Tyler, she seemed to have depth unlike a lot of celebrities around. But I dont really follow the stars. I admire my best friend very much, she has so much confidence and because of that is exploring the world and having so much fun (I wish I was with her so we could do it together)

Describe your style?

I am pretty girly but am really lazy and mostly go around in trackpants and comfy tops and sneakers. I need comfy and sensible clothes because of what I am studying at uni.

What are you going to do after this?

Study!!!! Exams are so so close!

What are your favourite movies?

Well of course there is The Sound of Music :) and I love Finding Neverland too.

What is your favourite fruit?

Summer fruits, too many to name

What inspires you?

The people close to me who battle on showing so much courage, they inspire me to continue fighting on. S a physio at the school I study at, he reminds me why I'm doing this and that nothing can stop me achieving my goal.

Your favourite book?

I love proper childrens classics, L M Alcot (The little woman 4 books), C S Lewis (Narnia chronicles), L M Montgomery (Anne of Green Gables series)...you get the picture, I'm a romantic and have a vivid imagination so these types of stories make full use of it. I dont read much anymore due to my head injury and the rsd effects.

Do you collect something?

Pretty things lol, I have a coin collection and also stamps among other random things like the minature Winnie the Pooh play sets that were around a while back.

What is your favourite smell?

Just after it has rained, the air smells so clean and lovely.

What are you most proud of?

I guess I am proud of what I have got through and the fact I am still in the physio school program. Things have been tough but I am still here doing my best.

What are five beauty products you couldn't live without?

Beauty products are not really my thing but I make sure I wear my bronzing powder when on placement, otherwise I look pretty ill and I dont like being asked whether I'm ok all the time.

Cats or dogs?

Cats

A cosy night in or a night on the town?

A cosy night in :)


I'm not into tagging people so if you want to play along feel free!
here are the rules:
1. respond and rework; answer the question on your blog, replace one question that you dislike with a question of your invention, add more one question of your own.
2. tag eight other people

"Why are you trying so hard to fit in when you are born to stand out?"

I was semi watching a film on TV (my concentration span is fairly minimal...) and heard that quote. I really felt like it was saying something to me and I love it.

I am not pretty, or funny, or outgoing, or popular. I am not a lot of things but one thing I seem to be really good at is not being able to fit in. Its not easy being different for whatever reason (family upbringing, religion, disability etc) and I've spent my life wishing I could just fit in like everybody else. I hated being teased and picked on, being left out of games, not being accepted because I was different, and my self esteem was shattered. So I have spent my life striving to fit in, try and do what everyone else is, and fade into the background. I hated wearing different clothes, the rules my parents had, the responsibilities I had at home, you name it, if it made me different to others then I did not like it.

But no matter how hard I try to 'fit' in, I still end up being different. Having RSD has stopped me from ever being that normal person. I was trying so hard to play this year right, I ended up informing the school and keeping them updated and now I have this weird illness drag out (which has been hypothesized as rsd related), mess up my ability to just study and prepare for exams and sit them the way everybody else will be. Already I have been told to fill out special consideration for all my upcoming exams, something I was really hoping to get through this year without having to do. I wanted to prove that I could do things just the same way as everybody else and yet again I feel like I am so far behind and the only thing lef to do is claim impairment (which has been explained to me is warranted despite me thinking otherwise).

But maybe I am just not supposed to be that person who 'fits' in, and maybe, just maybe I should embrase being different and find confidence in who I am as a person and stop trying to be like everyone else.
From today I am going to make that quote my thought to remember. The thing I tell myself when I am too scared to speak up, too scared to have an opinion, too scared to stand out and be different.

Its not the people just like everyone else who gets remembered...its the ones who stand out, the ones who are different..they are the ones who get remembered.

Umm, yes I do know I'm just a bit special...

I'm talking to my Mum on the phone and its getting late. I need to find out what the time is so I look for my cellphone (its my clock...). Its not on my bed, its not beside me on the table where I usually put it, I shift my laptop to see if its under it, I shift the notes on my bed to see if the phone is under them. I get up off my bed to see if I was sitting on it or if it got under the duvet. I'm frantically looking on the floor and everywhere for it because I rely on my cellphone for a lot of things, and I still cant find it anywhere. My Mum tells me the time (I'm still on the phone to her) and I look in the mirror...

I'M TALKING TO MY MUM ON MY CELLPHONE

She laughs and says she thought I was on it.

How crazy is that? Seriously, my brain is not working well at all

She's on my side

I have an ally and it feels so good knowing she is on my side. The associate dean actually said that she knew I had what it takes to do this, but my body was being difficult just now.
She was really nice and understanding...I felt so bad that I was presenting with yet another problem, but as she said, I couldn't do anything about the free fluid and being ill and how it affected me and that it was important to listen to my body and rest if that was what I needed to do. That I cant do any more than I am just now and she realises that and also realises that I dont like the situation so I am doing as much as I can.

She is going to try and sort out the missed terms test but said it is not something that gets resat next year so I'm not sure what will get done about it. Its only finals that get offered as specials at the beginning of the following year. I'm also to fill out special consideration for all my upcoming practicals and exams because of how my preparation and performance will have been affected and she said if I do not pass anything then it should be taken into consideration and not affect terms (rhis round most of them are internals for full year papers, only one is a final exam). I'm hoping that I will scrape through but just now I'm not sure I have a proper handle on anything, fingers crossed thats just a feeling and I'm not as behind as I think.

So thats one meeting down, yet another meeting tomorrow with the disability office to see how they can help me sort out this mess. I'm hoping they have a good plan of attack to help me wade through all the missed classes etc. I'm also hoping that I dont cry...I always end up crying in these meetings and I feel so weak when I do, and that I must look pathetic. I just want to show them I can do this and its hard having to admit to needing help when you pretend to look so normal to the outside world. Its like a double edged sword "I'm fine, I'm fine...but I need help..."

I feel fake

Offer accepted

Yay for people who can realise when its a good time to take over. I spent quite some time on the presentation last night and this morning, its all set just to have the other's research added and then be referenced accordingly. We got together tonight and I was expecting people to have their contribution all ready to just add but it wasn't that simple. Luckily one of them offered to take over as he could clearly see I was struggling to even talk by that point. He is now collecting the remaining data and will add it to the powerpoint poster ready for us to give it a final look over in the morning and hand in by email. One of the others has now taken over writing the script for the presentation too, he's taken my skeleton idea and sounds like he has great plans for it, its going to be quite fun!

I am still feeling particularly unwell and washed out. During a lecture this afternoon I ended up laying down because I thought I was going to pass out. A friend made sure I made it out afterward and left me resting after convincing me that missing the next tutorial was what I NEEDED to do, and suffering though it (or making a spectacle of myself in it) was unecessary. I rested for the 2 hours and then dazed through the last lecture of the day before our group meeting tonight.

I found out that because I missed the Pathology mid term last week I am most likely going to have to sit special exams beginning of next year but we will see. I have to meet up with the associate dean again now due to my time off and hopefully we can sort out the mess I am in. If I was a bit behind before, now I am so behind I dont want to think about it and semester exams are just around the corner.

I'm going to bed, I am so so tired and its early morning starts every day of the week this semester. I hope others are feeling better than I do just now.

Superhuman I am not...

...so why do I take on more than my fair share? Why do I continually say I will take care of things when its clear I'm having trouble just being here?

Because I need to be in control, in charge; to make sure things are done to my standard and I'm not up for compromise, I'm pathetic.

Its after 7pm on a Sunday night, I've just taken the whole last week off uni to try and get better (which I don't seem to have achieved), my foot and leg is yelling at me (its pretty high on the pain scale), muscles in my leg are spasming uncontrollably, my thigh is not even liking the lightness of my trouser touching it, my back hurts, my head is pounding I can hardly focus and I'm physically and mentally exhausted... and I'm sitting at uni organizing a poster presentation.

WTF??? how did I let myself?

Yes the other's have contributed, yes they have done their part in this but I took it upon myself to put the whole load together, to spruce up the sample poster, to make it ours and original. I'm also coming up with the 'script' for our presentation to go with the poster. Why can't I trust someone else to organise it? Why couldn't I have given my research to one of the others to put it all together? Why? Because I need to control things and I am a born organiser (I remember being told this in primary school...how good I was as organising and making sure things got done and done well), I have idea's and want things to be the best they can be and I think I can acheive that....but this would have been a good time to decide that passing was good enough, I dont have the energy or the brain power.


I just realised I'm not superhuman...but its too late.

I hate hospital...

Once again I found myself in hospital over the weekend and through till Monday (not due to a fall this time thank goodness...)

I had awful tummy pain, felt very sick and was very unsteady on my feet. I didnt know what to do, so I rang Jo and she said to ring the healthline and see what they said, they said to go and get checked out. I then rang my Mum to see what she thought I should do (seen as it was Saturday evening). She said to follow the advice I had been given and to go to the ED, so my Uncle kindly took me.

I got a bed instantly which was nice because lying on my side curled up was the least uncomfortable position and I lay there for about 3 hours before being taken to be assessed by a dr. They were pretty busy dealing with drunks creating a scene and I lost count of the number of drunk students who had put their hands through windows! They said thank you to me for waiting so patiently lol.

It was possible I had appendicitis seen as I had most of the positive signs but it could have been several other things too. I got assessed by the surgical registrar and it was decided to admit me and just keep watch over how things progressed before anything drastic happened, (I was not keen on the ides of surgery one bit!). The ED dr did my IV and she was amazing, first time and in a place that wasnt too uncomfortable too!

Sunday I had an ultrasound which showed free fluid in my abdomen and I was told that fitted with my presentation so just to keep with the pain relief and antinausea and see how things went and I was then allowed to try and eat.

I couldn't eat much more than a spoonful of the soup I got but I had been kept hydrated with fluid and was drinking as much as possible. I had a ghastly night not being able to sleep due to hot sweats and my hands and feel swelling up so I couldnt make a fist. Due to the weekend, the hospital pharmacy wasnt open so they didnt have all my medications and due to not having brought them in with me, my med schedule was all messed up. I dont think that helped my pain levels or the side effects I was having.

Monday I was dealing with the pain better by then (you kinda get used to things you know) so I tollerated the surgeon touching my tummy better although it was still pretty painful and straight after I puked up the limited contents of my stomach. And they decided that seen as things hadn't progressed any further, no surgery was required just now (phew) and I could go home (double phew!).

When the house surgeon came to talk to me about discharge rx and I said I needed pretty good antinausea meds cos they had been giving me a double combo to try and control things he almost changed his mind and made me stay. Thank goodness I was able to talk him into letting me go home. I knew I had no chance of getting better in hospital, I couldnt even stay still due to the pain, no sleep, heat and med mess up. I'm just to go back in should the pain get really bad again I (fingers crossed it doesnt cos I didnt deal well with the added pain and nausea).

I've been given the week off classes to recover as they said I would need the week. Initially I thought I would bounce back but I'm finding out just how washed out I am and think I will need that week. Bad news is I had a terms test tonight worth 35% that I am missing and I dont want to think what a mess that is going to turn into but just now I dont care.

I do have to say though that despite the amount of pain meds I am currently on, they still gave me morphine for the pain and didn't treat me badly like I dreaded. I have heard horror stories of people with RSD going to hospital and being treated like drug seakers etc.
The surgical registrar on Monday did sound pretty surprised at how much pain I must be in when he saw what drugs I'm on but I think it was because he hadn't come across it before and he was still nice about it. The consultant wanted to know a bit about what was affected by RSD but he was also nice (we think he looked after a friend who also has RSD when she had trouble recently). So overall I had pretty reasonable treatment appart from the pharmacy thing.

The thing that was most difficult to deal with (appart from the heat the hospital always seems to be) was the number of visitors the girl next to me had! she would have 3 girls all come in at once and they made so much noise, I felt pretty lousy so that gave me such a headache cos I couldnt get away from it. And they kept coming, as soon as one lot left another lot arrived-I started to wonder just how sick that girl really was (was that bad of me?). Anyways I am home now, eating in small amounts to try and get my system used to food again and resting a lot. I am so wiped out and drained. Just walking to the bathroom and I am shaking which is pretty embarrassing! But I'm starting to feel better, which is good, just taking it slowly.

Thing is though, I never thought to ask how I got free fluid in my abdomen and what it would be...obviously it wasn't supposed to be there so I wonder how it got there and whether its something I should be conscious of and if it happens again does that mean anything?