Yes...I can do it :) (and other matters)

One down, three to go...
Practical exam went quite smoothly considering the rough patch I am going through. Not expecting amazing marks or anything but I consider my performance solid enough to warrant a pass-time will tell of course!
I'm getting through study slowly but surely, combining study group sessions with study at home limiting my internet use (it is my weakness and a very good way to procrastinate). And of course I'm looking ahead, reminding myself that this too will pass, the 6th of November isn't that far away and with that will come my last exam for this year. We are getting passed the worrisome inability to write for any length of time but applying for use of a computer, fingers crossed I will hear in the next day or two whether its been granted.

Onto other things, I have an MRI of my knee this Thursday to see whether its miniscal tear or bone bruise or what, I'm hoping it comes up with some diagnosis anyway because just now with the inevitable crps involvement its almost impossible to figure out what is injury related and what is my body's 'normal' response. And "as an aside" (the specialist dr's exact words) I'm having a bone scan on Wednesday morning because of my recent radial fracture, the fact my knee x-ray showed possible bone thinning (and my low bmi also was/is a concern). Like I need to know I have more issues to deal with. I'm just hoping it was the x-ray exposure rather than anything wrong with my bones. But the good thing about all this is its being done private so I dont have to wait, ACC to pay for the MRI, and a drug company is paying for the bone scan-lucky me!
I'm also seeing the hand therapist on Thursday, she has just been to a conference and said she has some good ideas so I'm excited to hear what they might be, I'm working with what I got but any extra ideas are certainly welcome!
All this while continuing to study for exams and continuing to work with my scheduled eating plan. Which I am so happy to say I have finally made a move in the right direction! My weight was 0.9kg more than it was 4 weeks ago and I am sure this is due to the addition of the antinausea/increased gastric motility meds. Less puking (though not completely stopped), and not so much really intense nausea-really helps in the eating department.

So hows that for a lot of good news! Bring on Summer break though I say, I really am exhausted and need some time to rest and recuperate.

If wishes were horses, beggars would ride...

How I wish that I could stop feeling sick. Nausea sucks...

nausea+random pain+crps pain+exam stress=too much.

I'm being worn down by having to deal with all this, despite the fact I have actively stopped stressing about exams, I know subconsciously I still am. But I have been through exams with crps before and I didn't make myself physically sick so I'm inclined to think that there is more going on.
Also the nausea started over a month ago, way before even the hint of exam pressure was dawning.

I feel worse once I have eaten, which is making life difficult as you cant just stop eating (or at least I cant afford to).

I have figured out that a piece of toast in the morning (minus the bottom crust) and a glass of juice to take my meds, will stay down. Any more and I have trouble stopping it come back up. Lunch time I can eat a few crackers and an apple or a yoghurt if I'm lucky...
Dinner mostly I'm eating almost 2/3rds of what I had been and feel pretty sick but can keep it down if I stay still.
If I try eating any more than that then watch out my stomach will not like it and it wont stay down.
I'm sipping water throughout the day so I'm keeping hydrated.

Last night I had a piece of chocolate cake a bit after dinner and boy did I regret it afterwards but it did taste nice :)

I'm not sleeping due to the tummy pain and nausea, feeling pretty tired due to the lack of sleep, end of semester and probably lack of food.
Starting to get pretty upset with myself because I'm not able to spend the time I know I should be and need to studying. I have to lay curled up a lot because that's the best position to keep from puking and you cant study like that (not when you feel rotten anyway).

I'm starting to notice subtle signs that I'm losing weight, which is something I am very aware I need to stop because I don't have reserves to loose.
A friend suggested I just become anorexic to solve the problem!!!which is terrible advice, there is no way I can afford to even get myself into that way of thinking.

I have a Dr's appointment tomorrow to get a medical certificate to go with my special consideration application and I really hope that this guy will be able to suggest something to help me feel better.
Because its been suggest this is related to crps I don't really know what to think about it. I cant wait for my pain specialist appointment next month to ask him his opinion, because I guess he is my specialist and will hopefully give me some direction on what could be going on. I don't like the thought this actually could be crps, I don't deal well with nausea and if I cant get it under control there is no way I am going to be able to get through the rest of the year with clinical placements etc. I just don't see it possible...crps is hard enough without adding daily nausea to it.

I'm just so tired of no relief and no end in sight, what could possibly be causing all this to be happening?

An RSD guide to getting through exams

SET REALISTIC GOALS! Before you turned into a chronic pain warrior you may have been able to Ace an exam with your eyes closed, but its different now...SO WHAT!…just being here trying is testimony to your courage and strength (and that C or B is worth so much more than those A’s you used to get, just because of the effort you put into getting them)

Phone a friend to debrief after your exams if you feel that unloading helps your mind calm down.

Don’t run out of any meds (or if you do make sure you have a friend on hand with a stash gathering dust)

Surround yourself with supportive people, find someone you study well with, teaching others what you are learning is a great way to understand something better. But schedule some alone time too.

Take regular breaks…Sometimes taking a break is better than trying to cram more information in, your brain only holds so much, and its probably holding a good amount of pain so that leaves limited space.

Do NOT put yourself down in the middle of an exam because you heard yourself say/do something wrong or silly…so what? Everybody is making those same mistakes and at least you tried!

Its ok to freak out a LITTLE, heck everyone around you is too so its normal, just don’t let it consume you.

Don’t cancel sport/exercise/dance dates to study, having fun releases endorphins, de-stresses and increases blood flow - all more important for your brain than looking at pages of dancing letters for the 1000th time.

Set little rewards between exams, things to look forward to...they are great at helping you stay focused

Now is a good time to practice those meditation and relaxation strategies you know how to use…you could even do with teaching them to a few of your frazzled classmates

Eat PROPERLY, do not skip meals just because you cant waste study time, and drink plenty of WATER

Go to bed and try and get the same number of hours of sleep you would usually get, being extra tired is not going to help your over worked brain function well.

BELIEVE in yourself, you probably know more than you think you do, and stressing about shoulda/coulda’s doesn’t change anything (except waste more precious time)

And be PROUD of your achievements, you dont have it easy so to be standing where you are makes you AMAZING!

Please grant me the strength to get through

because right now everything is so overwhelming that its taking all I've got to keep myself together.

I have not done enough study to get me through the next week of practical, oral and written exams and I do not feel I deserve to pass.

I have studied and practiced but not as much as I wanted to and certainly not as much as I should have. I am still dealing with this horrible tummy pain and nausea that is affecting almost everything. Dear God I need a miracle...

She's on my side

I have an ally and it feels so good knowing she is on my side. The associate dean actually said that she knew I had what it takes to do this, but my body was being difficult just now.
She was really nice and understanding...I felt so bad that I was presenting with yet another problem, but as she said, I couldn't do anything about the free fluid and being ill and how it affected me and that it was important to listen to my body and rest if that was what I needed to do. That I cant do any more than I am just now and she realises that and also realises that I dont like the situation so I am doing as much as I can.

She is going to try and sort out the missed terms test but said it is not something that gets resat next year so I'm not sure what will get done about it. Its only finals that get offered as specials at the beginning of the following year. I'm also to fill out special consideration for all my upcoming practicals and exams because of how my preparation and performance will have been affected and she said if I do not pass anything then it should be taken into consideration and not affect terms (rhis round most of them are internals for full year papers, only one is a final exam). I'm hoping that I will scrape through but just now I'm not sure I have a proper handle on anything, fingers crossed thats just a feeling and I'm not as behind as I think.

So thats one meeting down, yet another meeting tomorrow with the disability office to see how they can help me sort out this mess. I'm hoping they have a good plan of attack to help me wade through all the missed classes etc. I'm also hoping that I dont cry...I always end up crying in these meetings and I feel so weak when I do, and that I must look pathetic. I just want to show them I can do this and its hard having to admit to needing help when you pretend to look so normal to the outside world. Its like a double edged sword "I'm fine, I'm fine...but I need help..."

I feel fake

Its time to celebrate...

...if only I had the energy!

Finally the university year has come to an end and my last exam has been completed, it was touch and go for awhile whether I would actually make it this far.

After the last post I decided to focus my energy on getting through my exams, supposedly in one piece but life had other plans. I certainly didn't have any spare energy for updating here, I decided that I had more important things to think about.

Life is always exciting when you wear my shoes lol, I am currently sporting a very dashing green cast on my left wrist (not my dominant hand thank goodness) which may or may not be immobilising a scaphoid fracture...no definite fracture has shown up on x-ray as yet. Moral of the story? there is no moral-though I'm sure Jess would say it was dont use the stairs!

I caught my foot and superman dived down some pretty majestic concrete steps less than 2 hours before my first exam...my friend took me up to our paper coordinator and she patched up my dripping knees after having a hard time finding anything big enough to cover them. My stupid wrist was really sore but I had an exam to sit and no time to investigate so the trusty bunch who watch over me, dressed me in my lab coat, put my glasses on and helped me up the DR stairs.
By the time we had finished our 8 station anatomy exam (3 and a half hours for me) it was too late and I was too tired to think much but promised if my wrist was still painful in the morning I would get properly checked out (all the while hoping it would not).

As aways seems to be for me, things were not simple in the morning, so I duly took myself to be checked and several hours later (after being sent for x-rays) emerged with a plaster cast for my troubles.
I have since had practicals (boy were they fun with an arm in plaster) and then more x-rays and more indecisiveness and am now sporting this funky green fibreglass cast for yet another 2 weeks of frustration!

I'm am very relieved that I made it through my exams, now comes the waiting part to see if I made it to a pass, I am hoping I did but a bit worried about the anatomy exam (I was in quite a bit of pain because of the fall) and also the pharmacology exam but for now I am going to throw my worry away and enjoy my days of rest before I go back home!

Last week of class

Its the last week of class before this years final exams...I have my first (Anatomy) starting on the 15th of October and I will be all done by 1pm on the 4th of November.
I cant quite believe that I am at the end of my second year already, time has gone by so fast and I have to say I am really proud that I have made it to this point. My OT came to see me the end of last week and he said how great it was because at one point we weren't sure that I really would be able to get this far.

I'm scared about my exams but this is ok. Its better to be a bit scared about exams than being too confident (although I was so confident and actually stopped studying for one of my chemistry exams a few years back and ended up getting 98% however that works).

I am studying as much as I am able, though yesterday I freaked a bit and didnt take any breaks apart from lunch so when I finally got home for dinner I was knackered and couldn't do anything more. Today I am going to be more responsible and pace myself a bit.

Oh and I got my second to last assignment back yesterday with a grade of 83.5% (marks ranged from 44-90%)

(hope I dont sound like I'm bragging cos I'm not...its just I feel so happy about it I have to share lol)